Help, my wife’s vagina is “too small”

March 9, 2009


Dear Shiva, my wife’s vagina is too small, so it is difficult to satisfy her, please suggest me

– KK, Male, 28 years, from Bangalore-India


When i go through sex my wife complains about pain in lower abdomen it disturbs me please suggest how can we avoid this.

-NS, Male, 24 years, from jaipur india


Normally, the vagina is highly elastic. Whatever a woman’s height,
size, or age, her vagina can accommodate a man’s penis of any size
during sex. And it can widen much larger to accommodate the delivery
of a baby during childbirth.

But sometimes problems with penetration or tightness can occur, or
she may experience pelvic soreness after sex.

Some men think this is due to a small or abnormal vagina.

The real reason is usually VAGINISMUS.


VAGINISMUS is an involuntary tightening of the vaginal muscles that
prevents penetration or causes intercourse to be painful.

In mild cases, intercourse is possible but sex is painful for the
woman. In severe cases, intercourse is impossible and any attempts
by the man to penetrate causes sharp pain.

The causes of Vaginismus remains unclear. It usually happens when
the woman is nervous about sex, which could happen because of her
inexperience, or because she has heard it’s painful, or because it
was indeed painful for her the last time she had it.

What should you do if your partner experiences Vaginismus:


1. Give her much MORE foreplay
Give her whole-body love making, don’t rush to her genitals.
Give her more caresses, more kisses, more nibbling, more gentle
clitoral stimulation (orally or with your fingers) than you normally
do before you attempt intercourse.


2. Use lots of lubricant
Lack of lubrication is the main cause of pain during intercourse.
Many normal, healthy women do not produce much lubrication,
even when they are fully aroused. Use lots of lubricant. Use her natural
supply or use a store-bought lubricant like KY-jelly. Many sex experts
recommend use of lubricants EVEN if she is well lubricated. The wetter
she is, the more she will enjoy it.


3. Slowly, slowly…
Don’t rush to sex. The sweetest words to a woman’s ears during
love-making: “We have all the time in the world…there’s no hurry”.
Let her know that you will not enter her until she signals you to
get inside. And don’t enter until she signals 3 times; the more eager
she is for you to get inside, the less problems of tightness.


4. Let her put it in
Who puts it in when you have intercourse? You or her?
My suggestion: let HER put it in, at least the first few times.
That’s because only a woman knows when she is ready to have a penis inside.

If you’re going to put it in, don’t just plunge in. Tease her a bit,
let the head of your penis caress the lips of her vulva. She will know
it’s there but she won’t know when it’s going in. Tease her until
she is more or less pleading with you to enter her.

Also, try the woman-on-top position during sex. This allows her to
control WHEN your penis will enter, how DEEP it will go and the SPEED
of thrusting. Having this control reduces her anxiety and relaxes her
vaginal muscles.

Occasionally the causes of Vaginismus could be more serious like
a history of sexual abuse, in which case she needs to recognize the
underlying cause of the problem before she can overcome it; this
may need the help of a professional counsellor.

In later years, some women may experience penetration difficulties
following menopause. In some women, the vagina may atrophy or shrink
due to age or lack of use. In such cases a gynecologist could use a
dilator to gently stretch the vaginal tissues.
1. A small group of women experience a rare condition of having a
short, small, inelastic or absent vagina. Their vaginal space is
usually enlarged with Dilator therapy by a physician.

2. Sometimes penetration difficulties are caused by an abnormally
thick or inelastic hymen, which may require surgical removal
of the hymen.



Very rarely does a woman have Vaginismus so severe that she
needs medical treatment. With a little time and some caring on your
part, I’m sure your wife will be fine. If the problem still bothers
you, I would recommend you see a physician.

To send me a Question, Comment or Topic suggestion, please visit
this page
Until next time.


A step-by-step guide to whole-body lovemaking 

WHAT WOMEN REALLY WANT: The 18 ‘hot’ spots on a woman’s body and how to arouse each one of them. Plus bonus sections.

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